The fantasy of the teacher seems to be one of the most popular in culture–and for both men and women. This can be explained in many ways, from the image of a mentor, to the feeling of something “forbidden. And while the relationship between a high school teacher and his female students is definitely wrong and bad (even in high school), at university the line of what is allowed is blurred.
“Smart” parses – would it be a good idea to date your university teacher and what should be considered in this case?
Is it worth starting a relationship with your teacher
If you are an adult and you do it because you really like him – why not? In this situation, we can only advise you to think hard about your motivation and sincerity – do you really like this person or do you just want to achieve something? Are you attracted to his person or to the image you have created in your mind? Have you talked to him at least a few times in a “neutral environment” outside of class? If no – then it’s worth getting to know him better before you get in a romantic mood – it helps reduce the chances of unpleasant discoveries in the future.
Things to consider before you date a teacher
Find out if your university has specific rules about faculty-student relationships. If so – breaking those rules could jeopardize the other person’s job – and no one benefits.
If your university doesn’t have formal rules about this situation, there are likely some unspoken guidelines. Is it condemned? Is it okay to date someone who is not teaching any of your courses? Keep in mind that even if you are not breaking any rules, your relationship may cause problems.
Even if someone is not your faculty member right now, there may be a situation in which they become your mentor in the future. As a faculty member and because of his influence over other faculty members, he has a certain amount of power over the student body. For this reason, many universities do not approve of faculty-student relationships.
In addition, classmates may perceive your relationship as an unfair advantage because you will be closer to at least one of the faculty members. The situation is only exacerbated if he or she works with your course – be prepared that you get special treatment in exchange for intimacy – whether or not that is true.
Of course, you shouldn’t take advantage of your position – a good relationship can exist without a conflict of interest. And if you feel you’re “sagging” on any of the topics, ask for extra classes – like any other student.
Also, a relationship with a faculty member can have complicated long-term consequences. If you break up, you will still have to see each other regularly at the university or, even worse, in the classroom. Questions about the fairness of your grades that your relationship raised before will persist, only now you may find yourself unfairly disadvantaged. You could also be hurting your partner, as anything you share with your friends could spread throughout the university and affect the reputation of the faculty member or, worse, his or her job.
Ultimately, you need to consider the rules and discuss the potential risks of the relationship-preferably before it begins.