“A smart wife is a cunning wife”, “the husband is the head, and the wife is the neck”, “a wise woman will make the man of her dreams out of anyone” – the list of such expressions of “folk wisdom” can go on and on. However, in reality, such tips do not only help, but even prevent to build strong relationships. Why?
In our country is very, very common is ongoing game, women are trying to “invisibly” control the men, as if remaining polite and obedient, that is “perfect wife” and the men pretend as if did not notice. In fact, this game is well known to both sides – it is not for nothing that there are a lot of jokes about women trying to manipulate men, by which many people mistakenly judge all the representatives of the female sex.
Many of our countrywomen have very contradictory ideas about men as such: on the one hand they are “natural leaders” and “heads of the family”, but on the other they are “just like children”. Women in this situation are in the role of indulgent mothers, saying, yes, yes, you have the smartest, I will not argue with you, but nevertheless decide everything myself and do as I want.
But this approach implies complete disrespect for their partners and their thinking abilities, and it is mutual respect that is the key to a strong happy relationship. More than that: virtually all of the advice given to potential “wise wives” can be boiled down to the idea that men need to constantly show how much they are loved and respected.
And all this advice implies two things: a) these feelings need to be portrayed, but not necessarily experienced, and b) men will not notice such a substitution. And therein lies the main mistake: most people, feel when they are taken for fools, and play such plays to them day in and day out.
This can provoke internal tension, even if unspoken, which in turn leads to coldness in relationships, endless arguments over trivial matters and even breakups. In addition, the women themselves are in tension, forced to constantly play, trying to make their partners feel something or do something, but so that they themselves understand everything. And they, such silly, for some reason do not always understand – and even stepping on the same rake a hundred times.
And then what? What if manipulation – is the road to nowhere? The answer is simple: you have to learn to be direct about their feelings and desires, to explain why it is important and to look for convincing arguments when you just want to put pressure on the man emotionally. And although this is just the process is not easy, the results are worth it.
First, such openness in a relationship is precisely the best proof of trust and sincere respect for the partner, and this in most cases only strengthens such feelings in the opposite direction, becoming the key to building a long-term successful union.
And secondly, it noticeably simplifies the process of achieving the desired result. You should not be afraid to say straight out what displeases you – although, of course, delicacy has not been abolished, and it is important to remember that the goal is not to criticize the person in general, but some of his specific actions or words.
If you keep it to yourself, the truth will still emerge, but in a much worse form. But if you clearly explain to the partner why a particular his actions offend you, or why you think it is important to take a particular decision, he may agree and try to take your opinion into account.
That way, you won’t have to waste time (or will have to spend much less time) trying to achieve a similar result later on, either.
So why, if it is so simple, is manipulation still such a common way to get your way?
First, it is society’s fault, which ascribes certain roles and behaviors to people of all genders that should be followed, regardless of whether they are actually effective and justified. Many women internalize the idea of the need for manipulation from their mothers and grandmothers, who in turn did not know that it was possible to live differently either. In addition, a woman’s low self-esteem may lead her to manipulation as a method of getting her way. For example, our society still has a stereotypical view of women as second-rate people, the so-called weak sex. This leads to the fact that many women do not believe that their opinions, expressed openly, can be appreciated and their wishes can be respected. But manipulation is certainly not the answer to this situation and can only make it worse.